Me cago en la leche
Translation: I crap in the milk
Spaniards metaphorically crap on all kinds of things when they want to express anger or frustration; from God Almighty (Dios), to ‘your’ mother (tu madre) and the salty sea (la mar salada). Perhaps the most bizarre thing they choose to mentally defecate on is ‘the milk’. All these expressions sound very vulgar in English but in Spanish they’re so common most recipients would barely bat an eyelid.
Translation: Send eggs
Unless you’re actually in the business of delivering groceries then this is bound to sound a little peculiar. But ‘Manda huevos!’, which means something like ‘Give me a break!’, is the perfect expression for when you’re fed up or frustrated by something.
Llevar los huevos de corbata
Translation: Wear ones balls as a tie
Another use of huevos but this time not talking about the shell variety but rather male genitalia. To wear your balls as a tie translates as being tense or nervous. In fact, Spaniards will often hold their throat and say ‘this is where I have my balls’- con los huevos aquí– when they want to express nervousness or fear.
Que te la pique un pollo
Translation: “I hope a chicken pecks at your dick”
Pretty self explanatory this one. Best reserved for someone who has really wronged you.
Vete a freir espárragos
Translation: Go and fry asparagus
This is a polite way of telling someone to fuck off in Spanish. ‘Vete a freir espárragos’ is a step down from ¡vete por ahí! (get lost) and three down from ¡que te folle un pez! (‘May a fish make love to you’).
Mojar el churro
Translation: to wet the churro
Yes, churros: those long, thick doughnut sticks we all love to dunk in chocolate and put in our mouths. Like most stick-shaped food, churros are euphemistically used to described a man’s privates. ‘Mojar el churro’ means to have sex.
De puta madre
Translation: Of the whore’s mother.
Best translated in English as It’s the shi*/ the best thing ever!
There are somethings so great that you can only describe them as de puta madre. “I can’t believe how good that tastes! De puta madre!”
Matar el gusanillo
Translation: To kill the worm
To kill the worm is to take the edge off your hunger. “A ver si con esta tapa matas el gusanillo.” – Let’s see if you take the edge off your hunger with this tapa.
Pollas en vinagre
Translation:“Dicks in vinegar”
Use this phrase to call out those who are telling porkies. It’s the Spanish equivalent of saying “bullshit.”
No seas tan pendejo
Translation: Don’t be such a pube
Use this when telling someone not to be such an asshole.