Colin Jost dusted off his acting chops on this week’s Saturday Night Live, dropping in outside of “Weekend Update” to revive his blistering impression of embattled Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth — and the show did not go easy on him.
Portraying Hegseth as a red-faced, hyper-aggressive official desperate to spin his alleged war crimes against Venezuelan drug boats, Jost opened a chaotic press conference with, “First things first. Where are the fatties? You, out!”
From there, the faux–Hegseth spent most of the bit attempting (and spectacularly failing) to downplay accusations that he ordered a second strike on a boat that killed two survivors who had been clinging to debris for 40 minutes. “That kind of cruel, heartless act has no place in Operation Kill Everybody,” he insisted.
He also tried to claim distance from the incident, explaining, “I wasn’t even in the room when it happened, OK? I was so jacked up after the first strike I had to make an emergency call to my sponsor—I’m sorry, a guy I met at an anonymous meeting.”
Ashley Padilla, playing a reporter, confronted him with Senator Mark Kelly’s real-world jab calling Hegseth a “12-year-old playing army.” Without missing a beat, Jost’s Hegseth shot back, “Oh, get a husband.” Padilla’s character immediately fired back, “I’m trying!”
Hegseth, spiraling further, added, “Let’s just say: if I had a drink for every Venezuelan we’ve killed, I’d really like that number of drinks.”
He also attempted to defend President Donald Trump, offering, “Unlike you beta cucks, he’s a high-energy alpha who trusts me and listens to me no matter what. Isn’t that right, Mr. President?” Only problem? Trump (played by James Austin Johnson) was fully asleep.
That joke landed after a real week filled with viral clips of Trump appearing to nod off at multiple events. SNL’s version muttered in his sleep, “Stop Mamdani, you can freeze my rent anytime,” before jolting awake and shouting, “I wasn’t sleeping! I’m very much awake, now someone quickly tell me where am I, who am I and what year might it be.”
“Good one Mr. President,” Jost’s rattled Hegseth assured him. “Everything you do that’s weird is a joke.”
